And the Fantasy comes crashing down

Never mind the fact that Criminal Minds was preempted by the SOFU. That was a whole other mind crushing disappointment I had to endure and am still attempting to recover from.

No, my fantasy came crashing down when my husband decided to ignore my claims of "he's fine" and take our son to the doctor after I kept him home for 2 days. Yeah, so he had a fever but it was not consistent and each time it came back, it wasn't as high.

Well one of the reasons it continued to come back was I was under dosing our son with the Motrin. Yes, you read that right - under dosing. Kinda forgot about the whole age + certain weight means we can up him to Children's Motrin vs. Infant Motrin.

Trust me, as a parent there are much worse mistakes you can make.

Like ignoring your husband's "recommendation" to take your son to the doctor and you reply with "he's fine".

Thankfully my husband ignored my"he's fine" and took him anyway. Poor kid had the onset of bronchitis.

Oh yeah - I am rockin' this whole mom thing. I got a big ole S on my chest. Yeah baby.

Shit Head. Shit Hole. Shit for Brains. Sure as hell ain't for Super Mom.

2 days of breathing treatments via nebulizer (which all toddlers LOVE. Seriously - if you have a toddler - it is the MUST HAVE of the season. I believe you can find them on special - including a free rectal thermometer. Your kid will be signing you up for Parent of the Year the moment you walk in the door) and the doctor pronounced him fit.

2 days.

I may not be SuperMom but there is hope for my kid...

Allow Me My Fantasy World

And not the one that involves me and Mr. Shemar Moore although Criminal Minds does air tonight and my husband will be working late due to the State of the Union. Ah but I digress.

I've spent the past two days home with Little Man as he decided spiking a fever was the new in thing. Rather than aim for Mother of the Year (Hell if my own mother hasn't won that accolade yet, I figure I've got years to put in for it), I opted to be a semi-decent employee that past two days. Yeah I stayed home with my kid but I plopped him in front of the TV while I telecommuted.

Anyone who knows me knows how evil I think the TV is for kids. Adults - whole other ball game (have you seen Shemar Moore recently? Chris O'Donnell and LL Cool J in the same show? Work with me people).

So for two days I exposed my son to Evil.

I have the entire script to Cars memorized. I am very close to memorizing the entire script for Ice Age the Meltdown and Ice Age Dawn of the Dinosaurs. And if I hear "SQUIRREL" one more time my ear drums may spontaneously combust.

Serves me right eh? Nah - that was letting me off easy.

Little Man's giggling catches my attention at one point in time so I glance over the laptop. He's taken off his shoes and pants.

Now in my fantasy world (in which the sky is chocolate brown today) he was practicing putting his pants back on. You know - learning to dress himself.

In my fantasy world he was learning to dress himself an awful lot today. In my fantasy world, he was also learning to change his own diaper an awful lot today.

I love my fantasy world.

Soothing one to Sleep

Little Man has discovered the phrase "I scared" so I have spent the last week or so putting him to bed and then curling up on the floor next to his bed with my blanket and pillow. I hold his hand until he falls asleep.

I thought this had gone on long enough and last night switched it up. I didn't ask him if he wanted me to stay with him. I didn't ask if he wanted me to sit on the bed with him or lay on the floor. I just sat in the glider as soon as he climbed into bed. No argument from him so I figure by the end of the week, we'll be done with this phase.

He is a mama's boy and has been for quite awhile so I wasn't sure how he'd react to Daddy putting him to bed tonight (I worked late). Well it turns out Daddy can be just as much a softy as Mom. Daddy gave him choices. Little Man chose to have Daddy sit next to the bed with his head on the mattress.

Now normally, I will hold Little Man's hand until he falls asleep. I know he is about to fall asleep when he pushes my hand away. Sometimes he will pull my arm over him and stroke it like he strokes puppy - it soothes him to sleep.

Tonight, he didn't hold Daddy's hand. He didn't reach for his arm. Nope. Tonight he caressed Daddy's head, soothing Daddy while he, Little Man, fell asleep.

Trials and Tribulations of childhood

It's tough being a kid. You wake up at the crack of dawn full of energy. You bring all of your stuffed animals from your bed to mommy but she's still in a comatose state and confuses puppy with lion. *sigh* It just isn't any fun if she won't pay attention to you. So you decide jumping on her and giggling in her face is a sure-fire way to start her day with a smile except now you are learning.

Ew! Mommy I didn't want to learn the word "grimace" today. Can't we just stick with "smile"?

Mommy finally stumbles out of bed. She's not very graceful. She keeps forgetting she is supposed to kick the covers off before getting out of bed. You try to teach her a lesson but she isn't listening. She always make you take the paci out of your mouth in the morning so she can understand you. She doesn't have a paci. How come you still can't understand her? Hmmm.... maybe she needs one.

Yippee! A smile! Ok now we can play. Wait right there and I'll go get my books so you can read to me mommy.

You come back to find her in the shower.

What do you mean you can't read to me while you are in the shower? Oh fine. I'll go entertain myself for awhile.

Rearranging your Q-tips and tampons aren't for playing? Since when?

Man, she is grumpy without her coffee. *pout*

What's this? This looks like fun. I think you wear it. Let me try it on. Wow - many ways to wear this. I've never seen anything that can be a necklace, a hat, shoes.....

So my new favorite toy in the morning?

Mommy's bra.

New Routine?

Part of the bedtime routine involves Little Man taking off for the hills right after we read books and right before we shut off all the lights. He runs into our room and backs himself into a corner in our bathroom. Literally.

Tonight by complete fluke, both paths out of his room were blocked by his parents. He had no place to run except his bed. So he took the only available path. Fastest we've ever gotten him into bed. So excuse me while my husband and I start mapping out all potential escape routes and blockade strategies.

Pool Time

Little Man decided crying from bed is for babies. Nope, starting tonight, he does it the big boy way. He walks to the top of the stairs and calls to mommy. I walk upstairs to get him and put him back in bed. He walks into my room instead and heads over to my side of the bed.

This kid has been eating up a storm the past few days and holy crap can I see it now. Our bed has always been too high for him. Not for much longer! That kid was almost able to scramble up himself.

So let's start a pool. How long before Little Man stops calling to mommy and just walks his lil butt into mommy's room, crawls into bed and goes to sleep there? I say 3 days.

How to play mommy when she's asleep

Don't want mommy walking you back to your bed? Want to find a way to get her to let you sleep in her bed? It's easy!

1. In your sweetest, most polite voice, very quietly call her name close to her ear. This will guarantee she will only partially wake.

2. When she cracks an eye hand her puppy with a very sweet and innocent smile. Make sure to cast your eyes downward a bit for greater effect.

3. Maintain demeanor and hand her monkey and then lion.

4. As soon as she has monkey and lion, slip her your blanket. It is very important to slip this in quickly before the fog in her head starts to clear.

5. As soon as you've handed everything off to her, hold your arms up and sweetly say "up pease". If you can time this all to happen prior to the fog clearing, she'll be so confused by the blanket she will pick you up and snuggle you in before she realizes what she is doing.

6. Stay very quiet. Once the fog clears, she'll think you are asleep and will be afraid to move you.

Success!

Cleaning Up

Little Man excels at clean up. One of is teachers introduce the Clean Up song and it works wonders. Of course, the only part of the song I know is "clean up. clean up. clean up." There is more but that's all Little Man knows but hey - it works! If he decides to stop playing with the blocks and move onto the train, he knows he needs to clean up the blocks first. I know he's switching toys because he starts singing. Doesn't even bother to say he's switching up any more.

I picked him up from day care this evening and books were strewn everywhere. He starts helping his teacher clean up before she can even ask him to help. And yes, he sang while he worked. He's fast too; very focused. Perhaps a little too focused. One child wasn't quite down with a book but Little Man decided he was and ripped it right out of his hand.

10 minutes later he finally gives the book back to the other boy only to have the boy turn and put the book away himself.

Wisdom

Nah - I don't have any for ya. Gettin' kinda desperate for some myself, believe me.

Little Man is back to playing catch and he's actually catching a few here and there with his arms, not his face. It served as a great distraction while I waited for the pasta to finish cooking tonight. The only problem is, I ended up teaching my son how to bounce/throw a ball against the wall. I'm not sure that is the smartest thing to teach a 2 year old. So far he's been good with only using inside balls (the very soft ones) but how long before he "accidentally forgets"? How long before he puts a hole in the wall?

Yeah didn't think that one through to well did I?

Thankfully he got a little bored (or worn out, or both, I'm not sure) and decided it was more fun to have mommy throw the ball at the wall. We still have paint patches everywhere (yes, I finally decided on a color - and not one of the patches made the final cut). Little Man had me aiming for different patches.

When I hit the correct one (man my aim sucks), he would clap and say "Good yob Mommy".

Guess what my husband will be saying when he comes home to a hole in the wall some day soon.

Mmm Hmmm

I picked Little Man up from day care today and his teacher was very proud of him. One little girl has recently moved into the toddler room and has a little bit of a rough adjustment. The teacher was giving her some yogurt but she was missing her mommy. Little Man decides part of the consoling is for him to feed her.

Really? He fed her yogurt?

Oh yes. He was so good and gentle about it.

Mmm Hmm. You do realize this is the same kid that insists every day to sit in mommy's lap and have her spoon feed him his yogurt.

Never Say Never

It never takes long does it.

Little Man crawled out of bed this morning. Skipped the first side of the bed he encountered (daddy's side) and walked right around to my side. And so it begins.

He also crawled out of bed after his nap this afternoon and called down for me to release him from the upstairs. I went up to get him only to see his attempt at streaking. His pjs were in a pile by the gate. He was sitting back on his bed working on his diaper.

Thankfully my brain kicked into gear. He hadn't pooped all day so I thought I'd better check that diaper before he figured out the tabs or actually succeeded at tugging it off (he was damn close). Oh thank you 2 double espressos! You saved me from a rather nasty clean up.

The majority of my friends who have kids have regaled me with stories of finger painting with poop and dragging dirty diapers all over the place. I've laughed at their misery and commiserated that I would soon join their ranks. That it was only a matter of time.
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All the while I was thinking that my son would never do such a thing.

And now my lame attempt to distract you from your snorts of laughter.

Daddy normally handles bath time. Little Man went through a phase where only Daddy was allowed to and let's just say I've milked that sucker almost dry. Lately though, he's demanded that mommy get him out of the bath and then I must burrito wrap him in his frog hoodie towel and let him curl up on my lap for several minutes before diaper, lotion, and pjs. I don't get many snuggles any more so these moments are precious to me. If it weren't for his eczema, the kid would be getting a bath every night just so I could have those few minutes which seem to be fading all too fast in such a short time.

Happy Birthday Little Man

2 years ago today the most perfect, wonderful little human being entered my life and it didn't take long for him to put the Goddess into a complete tailspin from which I have not yet recovered.

He wasn't outside my womb for an hour and I was already eating my first cold meal (cold soup and tea oh YUMMY. Thankfully hospital jello has come a long way).

He's made my heart stop on a few occasions.

He's brought me to my knees in tears.

He's dropped me dead in my tracks and put me on my ass with laughter.

He can brighten the most miserable day with a smile or a hug.

He can give a banshee a run for her money.

He's my perfect little snugglebug one moment and Damien-in-training the next.

He is the root of my biggest frustrations, my worst fears, my most glorious moments, my biggest dreams.

He's my father's revenge and my mother's payback.

He is his father's son.

He is his mother's son.

He makes me question every little decision I make.

He makes me throw responsibility to the wind in favor of jumping in puddles.

He's reawakened my love of building with blocks, coloring with crayons, and playing catch.

He can make me hop like a frog, a kangaroo, a rabbit - all in full view of the neighbors - me, not him.

2 years ago today I was scared shitless. Not only was this little tiny person my responsibility but my co-Chair in this venture was my husband. The two of us responsible for a teeny tiny life? Who the hell thought that was the responsible thing to do?

We've had our share of moments as parents. One lung wouldn't inflate when he was first born. He decided to flip in the air down the stairs at the ripe old age of 6 months. He did a dance with Lyme disease a few months back.

And he is just turning 2.

He will continue to push my patience, my blood pressure, my ticker.

He will continue to be the major source of my white hairs.

And despite the fact that it may put me in the Asylum before it is all over, I welcome what is to come. As long as he continues to give me impromptu hugs and randomly say "I love mommy", it will all be worth it.

Happy Birthday Little Man. You are loved.

Good Bye Damien

Damien went away in the night and left my sweet Little Man in his place. I have no idea what time he woke up but a little before 8, he realized he could walk out his (wide opened) bedroom door and shuffle his way into mommy's room. You know you are done for when 7:45 is considered sleeping in. OK, I knew I was done for the night before when I was having trouble keeping my eyes open past 9:30.

A friend commented you know you are young when you want to stay up to midnight to welcome the New Year and old when you are forced to. No one answered me when I asked what it meant when you refused to. Maybe that was a good thing considering my mood. Had a spider ventured in from the outside, I would have whipped out a shoulder-mounted rocket launcher to deal with it.

But the past is the past. This morning my sweet child returned to me. I didn't force the issue by attempting a few more seconds of sleep. I opened my eyes at the first "m" of mommy. I didn't realize it yet but I feared Damien was still with me and I would end up yearning for the days when a wake-up call meant simply having my eyelids pried open.

Sweet Baby Boy returned home to his mama. Hallelujah! He even decided it was fun to play with daddy so mommy could go back to sleep for a bit.

Until it came time to eat yogurt.

For that, only mommy will do. But hey, it was almost 10 at this point so who cares? Hell I was so excited at all the sleep I got, the kid could have asked for Fruit Loops, chocolate cake, and a coke and I would have offered it up on a platinum platter for himself.

Oh and his appetite returned too. Not quite a bottomless pit at lunch but close enough. After lunch we ran to the mall. I wanted to hit a few of the sales that were going on (nothing in his current size but did stock up on some really cheap clothes one size up and mommy even got some amazing deals for herself. Why does daddy always seem to be exempt from such things? Ah, that's pondering for another day). I also knew I had to get Little Man out of the house or Damien would return tomorrow along with a few other personalities for shits and giggles.

He was very well behaved. He even honed his flirting skills a few times. And he discovered the wonder that is an escalator. A piece of technology that we take for granted entertained my son long enough for me to do some speed shopping (walk in, scan all racks in less than 2 minutes, hone in on 2 items that are the best sale price, find my size in multiple colors, pay and scram) and entertained him while we waited for a table at the Cheesecake Factory.

So Little Man returned just in the nick of time. Mommy decided to wrap his presents after all.

My only question for the day is - why did I bother wrapping presents that the kid is going to hand back to me to unwrap for him?