Stepford

Driving thorugh a neighborhood the other day with a friend:

Me: That car garage was way too neat. That's not right.

Friend: You're right. There's another. We must be in Stepford. Just ignore the Redneck in the wifebeater.

Stages

You get so excited when your child says his first word. Its wonderful to realize soon your child will be able to communicate in ways other than crying. Of course it isn't always so cool when he learns "no" but it's inevitable. So is the dreaded "why". Anyone who has spent 5 minutes with a child of a certain age quickly realizes how a parent can dread that particular stage.

Why is the sky blue? Why can't I drink coffee? Why can't I color on your sheets? Why why why why WHY?

Thankfully we have not hit that stage yet. I will admit I use the would sparingly in a lame hope to avoid it all together.

We've hit another stage; another phrase. Granted my poor husband takes the brunt of it as we are still in the Mommy Only phase but he can't blame me for this. At least, I don't think he can. I'm not sure. It's kind of fuzzy. Maybe he can.

GO A WAY! A WAY! GO A WAY!

So I have to wonder, given the choice between the two, which would my husband prefer to deal with?

His response was to pick the Why Phase as he thinks he would have fun with it and annoy our poor child until he got bored and went away. Filing this one away and will revisit in a year or so. Of course at that point, I'm hoping he'll be in his Daddy Only phase so Mr. Man cannot escape Little Man.

Learning

Children learn by observing and by repetition. Monkey see. Monkey Do. Monkey hear over and over again, Monkey will say. It's how I know what phrases I over-use. My latest?

You come back here RIGHT NOW!

A perfectly acceptable phrase for any parent to use.

Not so acceptable when used by a 2 year old aim at the parent. Now I'm trying to explain to this child that screaming such things at mom is unacceptable behavior.

Because we all know Do As I Say Not As I Do is a wonderful teaching method with a huge success rate. So successful I really didn't need to add in the laughter when commencing the lecture. I know. A little on the overkill side but I thought combining 2 very successful methods together would guarantee my success.

Ya'll are with me on this right?

Attention Everybody...

My neighbor and I took the boys to the zoo this morning. It went well. Over all they were very well behaved. As nap time came and went, we headed to the car afraid to push them any further. Twiddle Dee lost his balance and went face first down on the pavement. Nothing damaged but his pride but he was tired so a few tears were shed. Twiddle Dum? Oh my brilliant son. He decides he is in need of a little attention as well. In front of a very large crowd of folks he lays himself oh so gently down on his belly, throws one arm up in the air and starts the fake cry.

Try as I may to pass him off as my friend's kid and not mine, Lil Imp makes sure to hold his hand out in my direction and look me straight in the eye.

Overheard at Bedtime

A, B, C, D, E, G, blah, blah, blah, blah, eyl, em, n, oooo, p, blah, blah, ess, t, ew, v, duba-ew, esh, y, zshee.

dah, dah, dah, my abshees, dah, dah, dah, dah, pay wish ME!

Who's Boy Are You?

Conversation between John and Little Man when I wasn't around:

John: Are you Daddy's Boy?

Little Man: No

John: Are you Mommy's Boy?

Little Man: Yes

Conversation between Little Man and me when John wasn't around:

Me: Are you Mommy's Boy?

Little Man: No

Me: Are you Daddy's Boy?

Little Man: Yes

Conversation between Little Man and me tonight with John in the room:

Me: Are you Daddy's Boy?

Little Man: No

Me: Are you Mommy's Boy? (totally ready to claim victory)

Little Man: No

Me: Are you Little Man's Boy?

Little Man: Yes

Played.

Wimp

When you come home from work as late as I did, you expect your child to be blissfully sleeping in bed. I snuck in as quietly as possible so as not to wake him. Wasted effort. Kid was standing at the top of the stairs waiting for me (he really needs to learn that he sucks loud enough on that paci to drown out a fog horn). He had been standing at the window watching me get everything out of the car.

I should have known better. When I called the house a little after 8, I could hear him chatting in the background. He should have been fast asleep. Instead he was hanging out in our room entertaining himself. When I asked why he wasn't asleep in bed he replied that daddy's bed was his bed.

So I somehow convince him to let me go back downstairs and get some dinner WITHOUT his company. I've never eaten dinner so slowly in my life. I'm praying hard to the Universe right now. In order for me to get a decent night sleep tonight, he needs to be asleep when I go upstairs. If he isn't - I'm stuck. Stuck sleeping in my own bed with a WWE weeble wobble. So I'm praying he'll be asleep so I can sneak in, grab my pjs and if I'm really lucky, my pillow then be able to sneak back out to the guest bedroom.

Does John get this luxury? Hell no. Why? Dunno. Got no good reason for it right now except I got home last and he's the one that put him to bed. The early bird may get the worm but the late bird gets the empty nest!