Good, Bad, Ugly, Funny - The Year Has Been

New Year's Eve.... Out with the old. In with the New.

Yes, there is definitely some old I'd like to kick to the curb. 2011 wasn't all glitter and gold. It wasn't all fire and brimstone either. Like all years, it had its moments.

We started the year with John being laid off from work. I'd love to say we've ended the year with him starting a new job but like millions of others, that dream is just that... still a dream but we are in much better shape than others and while it has been brutal on him, I will not complain. We haven't hit our saving yet and still have our home. Compared to so many others today, we are doing well.

I did get a new job which brought me within 10 minutes of our home. For this area, such a commute is nothing short of miraculous. This glorious commute opened up a whole new world for us this summer that included family dinners and family time at the pool. I would pick Little Man up by 4:15 and we'd be home by 4:30. We'd have dinner by 5. The half hour prep was actually a great time. All 3 of us squeezed into our tiny kitchen cooking together. Not only did we discover some great recipes this summer, the time spent together in the kitchen was invaluable.

These early hours also meant that we would be in the pool by 6 several nights a week. More family time that I wouldn't give up for anything. In the beginning of the season, we were lucky if we could get Little Man in the kiddie pool. By the end of the season, we had him in the deep end with us. Here's hoping 2012 brings a kid who is willing to learn to float.

With John being out of work, we dropped Little Man down to 3 days a week at school. It meant more time for John to spend with him and I've seen the results. John's level of patience has increased astronomically (still waiting to hear back if this qualifies as an actual miracle or not). I'd love to say Little Man no longer refers to him as The Monster and no longer runs screaming from him but ya know I'd be lying through my teeth.

The downside to all of this is John spends more time with him. John spends more time talking to his teachers. John knows everything that is going on. And doesn't always remember to tell me. I'm blown away when I see Little Man writing out letters and trying to remember how to spell his name only to find out that this is nothing new. He's been doing it for some time now.

This is one role reversal I'm not dealing well with. No, don't get me wrong - I'm thrilled John is doing all of this. I love seeing him play with his son, work with him on his homework, teach him new things but it's hard to move to the role of secondary parent. Up until John was laid off, I was the one doing all of this. I was the one keeping John apprised of the new accomplishments, hurdles overcome and steps gone backwards.

Now I have to come to terms with a new world order. Personally, I think every woman should have to support her family so she knows the stress most men deal with. Personally I think every father should be the primary care giver so they can understand the stress the majority of us moms deal with.

Personally I'm realizing that switching roles is freaking hard. Personally I struggle with feeling incompetent and half a parent. Personally I finally know exactly how John felt when he was working insane hours and I was primary care giver. It is really nice to see that he's damn good at it though. Not that I ever doubted his mad skills. In a weird way, its a relief knowing I don't have to be primary.

2011 also brought the horrible news that a friend of mine has cancer and it has spread. I met her online when I was pregnant with Little Man through an expecting parents group. She was one of a small group of women I become friendly with over a modem. None of us had met in person but the bonds we forged during those 9 months of pregnancy have developed into an amazing friendship. As it turned out, several of the women lived somewhat in the vicinity so I was able to meet three in person. Our darling Pink Ninja was one of the three. Her son was born 2 days after Little Man. Her friendship has meant so much to me. Mainly because she's an absolutely hysterical bitch and I say that with the utmost amount of love and respect.

I've lost friends and family suddenly and unexpectedly. Now to have someone literally fighting for her life is daunting. It scares the shit out of me because there isn't a God damn thing I can do about it and it pisses me off. I've sat by myself and cried over it but only for a short time because what good does that do? I believe attitude is 90% of the fight against cancer and her attitude is strong. She's got a great network of support and no one is going to let her slide into the abyss of feeling sorry for herself. I don't think she has that in her to begin with but facing cancer head on could make Achilles feel like his heel just became as large as a barn.

So yes, there are definitely some things I'm glad to say good-bye to this year but there were funny times as well. The Pats played the Skins this year. Guess what team John roots for? So of course he decided we needed to make a small wager. He got a new Christmas present which he will be wearing for the next 365 days as a result of that wager:

The sweatshirt was wrapped under the tree but the weather will get warm again so in his stocking was the t-shirt.

I wasn't there when he took Little Man to the park. Another father was out with his kids and almost stopped to talk. Almost. Until he saw the shirt.

Shouting out "I lost a bet to my wife" didn't cross his mind. I'm not sure it would have helped.

Tomorrow is a new year.  A new start. And the Pats play their final regular season game against the Bills. I have faith Tom, Wes, Ocho, and crew will present an exciting and great New Year. I did invite a Bill's fan to watch the game with me. He accepted. He started to get a bit obnoxious. He asked if he should bring me a box of tissue for when the Bills stomped the Pats.

I asked him what size shirt he wears.

Now I must go read a few books and sing a few songs before tucking Little Man into bed. Then, in a few hours, I will raise a glass (actually a goblet filled with Black Velvet because some Christmas traditions should be carried over to New Year's) and make a wish. I will wish for jobs for those who are without. I will wish for my Pink Ninja to be cancer free. I will wish for my son to keep moving in the same direction to which he will reply - I'm trying to mommy but you're not helping my cause.

And I will wish for my own sanity knowing all to well - he's got that cause right where he wants it.

Happy New Year to everyone and may your wishes soar.

Christmas 2011 Part 2

Clean. Dry. In desperate need of some caffeine. Wait a second.... Someone is a tad too calm. Someone should be bouncing off the walls right about now. Hmmm...

Hey, Little Man - what day is it?

"Huh?"

Do you remember what today is?

"Um, I dunno."

WHAT? Seriously? What did you do, force your mother's genes into hibernation?

OK. Let's try this again. Do you remember if someone was supposed to come to the house last night?

Blank stare. This morning is not going as planned. Who'da thunk I'd need a mulligan on freaking Christmas morning. John mentions something about roofs and reindeer.

"SANTA!"

Finally! Sheesh. Now that you are finally bouncing off the walls I can get in a little torture and make you wait for your parents before going downstairs. Well - maybe just a little torture. I'm kind of excited to head down there as well.

Sweet child that he is, he decides we must all hold hands going down the stairs. This proves a bit awkward as the stairs are barely wide enough for two side-by-side but it helps us keep Little Man from taking the stairs in a single bound. So different from last year. Also different from last year was how fast he ripped through all his presents and as he opened each and everyone he would exclaim quite emphatically:

"[insert present]! I NEEDED this. I so needed this".

Even the paper towels received an over-the-top show of excitement and an emphatic declaration of extreme need.

HAH! You thought I was joking when I said I was wrapping paper towels for him? Never, ever underestimate a redhead. Just ask my darling husband. Well - that wasn't really underestimating me so much as just plain old insanity taking the Skins over the Pats but that's another story.

Christmas 2011 Part 1

When  I was a child, Christmas was my favorite holiday. It was the favorite holiday for my brother and sister as well but for slightly different reasons. I turned maniacal over the presents while my brother and sister turned maniacal over torturing me.

Somewhere around 5 AM I would awake and make an immediate beeline to my parents' bed. Upon arrival I would launch myself on my poor sleeping father's chest which I would turn into my own personal bouncy house while peeling his eyelids back asking in rapid fire speech: "You wake Daddy? Daddy you wake? You wake Daddy? Daddy you wake?". Rather than launching me out the nearest window, the man channeled his inner Gandhi and exuded patience as he told me what number the big hand had to be on and what number the little hand had to be on before I could wake him again (man parents have it so easy today with all their digital clocks, cell phones, espresso makers...).  He would also tell me that I had to wait in my own room.

HAH!

That would last about all of 30 seconds and then the slow migration out of bed, past my sister's bed, through the door, into the hallway, around the corner, edge toward his doorway...

"Back in your own room Tara".

Hey - how did you do that with your eyes closed? Of course I did finally learn that trick myself shortly after Little Man started walking.

Anyway, the appointed time would arrive and I would launch for a second time. He would forgo his inner Gandhi at this point and just roll his eyes back in his head. That would send me screaming.

As he headed for the bathroom, I went after my brother and sister. Now it isn't that they weren't excited to see what Santa brought them. They were. Unfortunately for me though, it was more exciting to torment me. You see, we weren't allowed to go downstairs until everyone was ready. We had to go as a family. I know 16-year old girls who got ready faster than the those two. By that time they were ready, I had worn a hole in the top stair with my jumping up and down. I had paced in my room earlier but a few of the floor boards wore through. It's hard to pace when you have to jump a hole every other plank.

So now comes the time where my son is finally of an age where he grasps the concept of Santa bringing him presents - but only if he is good. Oh yes, that threat was used a LOT the last several months. At one point, John pulled out his cell and actually called Santa. Thankfully he managed to hang up before Little Man reached for the phone. Actually - there's a great business to start. What parent wouldn't pay to be able to call up the Big Man and have him explain to him that he isn't getting that train/car/gun/exploding poop bag unless he does exactly what Mom/Dad say right away. But I digress.

So we survive Christmas Eve and Little Man went to sleep relatively well and quick. Of course he ends up in our room sometime in the wee hours but I didn't argue. It couldn't be that soon before we would all be up anyway - it was around 4 AM and I expected him to be wide awake within the hour.  Ya know, The Parent's Curse, payback, Dad's ultimate revenge, all is fair in love and parenthood, Murphy's Law... pick one.

Instead I was the one who was wide awake. I lay in my bed at 4 AM and listened to both my husband and son snore peacefully away. Around 4:30 I lost hope of falling back to sleep and resorted to staring at my son, willing him awake. In my head I'm screaming "how can you sleep? Don't you know it's Christmas! OMG Child - PRESENTS! What is wrong with you?"

I finally fell back to sleep sometime after 6 AM and awoke a little after 8 AM. I awoke not because my son was jumping up and down begging to go downstairs but because my PJs were wet. I thought I was having my first hot flash until I realized the sheet was soaked and Little Man was lying next to me. Aw man. Merry Freaking Christmas to me.

"Everyone UP! NOW!"

Little Man did not appreciate that one and tries to burrow under my pillow as I'm stripping his soaking wet pajama bottoms off of him. Not a great way to wake up so the tears start flowing. I'm trying to apologize for the rude wake up call and let him know it is all OK. It can all be fixed. I get John to take him into his bathroom while I strip the bed and find new PJs for myself.

Never let this kid sleep past 7 AM without a trip to the bathroom.

And never apologize to a child who is more than half-asleep.

He and John return. John is trying very hard not to laugh. Little Man looks like he is about to start a lecture.

I'm not allowed to drink before bedtime anymore and I owe him an apology.

What? What do you mean I can't drink before bedtime? Where is this coming from?

"You pee the bed mommy. You got me all wet. You can't drink before bedtime anymore until you learn".

And that was only the beginning of our Christmas holiday....

The Ultimate Wish List

I love this time of year. I love introducing Little Man to, OK screw it - might as well be honest. I love imposing my favorite traditions from Christmases past onto my child and brainwashing him into thinking they are the coolest thing ever. Last year I convinced him that stain glass ornaments were the hippest thing ever and that his grandparents would love nothing more in the world than a stain glassed ornament made by their most precious grandchild. This year I completely forgot to introduce him to the joy of making color paper chains from construction paper so mental note for next year.

Thankfully John has a better memory than I do. He introduced Little Man to the wonderful world of letter writing today. Little Man completed his first letter to Santa. I have it on good authority that yes, Santa is fluent in pre-schooler scribble. John also helped in address the envelope and after dinner tonight we headed to Macy's to take advantage of their Big Ole Red Mailbox with a direct line to the Big Guy in the Red Suit.

On route to Macy's I quizzed my darling son on his wish list. Having half of my genetics, occasionally he can be quite succinct:

"Trains, paper towels, toys, and presents".

Guess which one has been added to the pile to be wrapped Saturday night.

Worries, Difficulties, and Cares

"You don't worry about me Daddy. You worry about yourself".

"I can do it Mommy. I can do the difficult stuff. I'm doing very well with this. I'm good with difficult".

"Don't worry Daddy. We can care about that later".


And that's all he wrote folks.... for this evening.

Perks, Realms, and Beauty

One of the perks of parenthood is wracking up the guilt points but before one can enter that realm, one must first survive the Payback realm. As in, you must first face the countless phone calls to your own parents apologizing left and right and listening to their never-ending gut-busting laughter as your child does to you what you did to them. It is just one of many steps in the eternal rite of passage that is Parenthood.

Each and every time I think I've managed to put the Payback realm into the annals of my life's history, my son drags me back kicking and screaming. Damn Mini Me.

Back in the days of my own childhood, my mom tried getting me to say not just "please" or even "please Mom" but rather "please beautiful mother".

To say I laughed at her would be an understatement but let's face it, the woman tried this trick on us when we were preteens and teens. There is no way in hell that would work on us.

So, being the smarter and wiser parent I decided to teach my darling son this wonderful phrase earlier in life. My first attempt was several weeks ago.

"Mommy you silly!"

My second attempt occurred the following day.

"BAHAHAHAHAHA! Mommy you so silly. Stop that".

So I took the food approach - you have to feed a child something new at least 10 times before they will eat it. By the 10th time, his response was:

"Mommy you stop saying that word to me!".

Since when did the word beautiful get put on the bad list?

The 30th attempt took place last night. The kid was laughing so hard he gave himself the hiccups in under 3 minutes.

And so the viscous cycle continues.

In 20+ years or so, my son may be blessed with his own child and he too will be the smarter parent. He will start teaching his child even younger.

In 20+ years or so, I will be the wiser grandparent.

And I will be in the Payback Realm.

Beautiful Silliness

“Mommy I used to fall asleep in your lap?”

Yes honey. When you were a little baby, I would sit in that chair and rock you while you drank your bottle and you would fall asleep in my lap.

“Well I growing big now but maybe when I grow small again, I can fall asleep in your lap then?”

I had no idea I had my own Mork.

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“No Mommy, I don’t want to eat that. I don’t like it. It has green in it.”

It is pasta, and sauce, and cheese. All the things you like. Try one bite.

“OK Mommy”. Takes a bite and chews a little bit. His little eyes light up and he says: “Mmm. I like it.”

Fast forward 60 seconds.

Baby, don’t forget to eat.

“No Mommy. I don’t like it.”

You just said you liked it.

“I changed my mind.”

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“I do it Mommy. I’m a big boy. I can do it all by myself”

Music to my ears kiddo.

“Mommy, you please may I get me some milk?”

You know where your milk is. You can get it yourself.

“No. I too little.”

You just said you were a big boy.

“Yeah, for getting my toys. I too little to go get my milk.”

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“Mommy I have puppy please?”

You want me to get him?

“Yes please. You get him for me.”

OK. He’s right here.

“Thank you Mommy”

Thank you beautiful Mommy.

“You so silly!”