Mom's Medicine

Little Man was sick last week so of course it means I was sick this week. He had a fever and a mild cough that seemed to kick in only at night. I had a fever and a cough that was 24 hours a day. It has caused severe abdominal pain which wouldn't bother me if it meant I was on my way to at least a 6-pack but no, I'm not that lucky.

I've also had trouble keeping down solids and some other nasty symptoms which wouldn't bother me if after 5+ days I was down at least one size but no, I'm not that lucky.

Why I ask? Why does the Universe hate me so? Why does Karma feel the need to visit me this way? Is one dress size too much to ask after a week of living on water, orange cream soda, and milk? Apparently slowly noshing on cheerios a few days into it to test the limits of my stomach was considered cheating. Well if that isn't the cruelest of rules.

There was a silver lining though. I woke up several mornings to find Little Man pressing his forehead against mine. I'd open my eyes to a big toothy grin and immediately be greeted with a kiss and a hug. Best medicine a mom can get.

She Who Giveth...

Little Man refused to clean up his cars before bedtime tonight. I told him if he didn't I would take them away.

They were taken away.

Whew he has a set of lungs and am I the meanest mommy in the world.

He has to sit on the potty before bedtime. John tried very hard to get him off the potty but he insisted he wasn't done.

The last two nights he has actually pooped on the potty. This was a major milestone for us so he was rewarded with a ton of praise and a new car both nights.

Mommy took away 4 cars tonight. Mind you he has a huge collection.

Do you realize that lil imp was sitting on the potty trying to poop because he thought he would get another car? I have never laughed so hard in my life.

John finally gets him off the potty and he comes back into his room where I am waiting to put him in his pjs. He has somewhat gotten over the horrible treatment he suffered at my hands and decides he will talk to me.

"You no take my cars away mommy!"

Excuse me?

"You no take my cars away!"

I told you if you didn't clean up your cars I would take them away. Did you clean them up?

No answer and the hang dog look starts.

Yes I took you cars away and I will do it the next time you don't listen to me. Now lie down so I can put your diaper on.

Lil imp runs away.

Do you want me to take ALL your cars away?

He came back.

I can't wait to see what happens tomorrow morning.

Tread Lightly

My darling husband is treading dangerous ground. Very dangerous ground.

Don't you have something you want to tell mommy?

"Mommy, I a pubkin."

You're a what?

"A pubkin. I a pubkin mommy."

My darling husband is almost peeing his pants he's laughing so hard and he takes extreme pleasure in translating for me.

"He's a republican".

Fast forward to tonight. I spend what felt like an eternity convincing my son who is a MAMA'S BOY mind you that not only is he a democrat but he's also a RED SOX fan. Yes, John got him started with the "GO YANKEES" crap again. The kid was growling GO YANKEES at me. I finally managed to turn things around and implement some sanity in my house.

"NO daddy. GO RED SOX".

The one time I appreciated the set of lungs he inherited from me.

Oh and speaking of crap. I also got him to turn on his father and become a democrat again.

Except it sounded like democrap...

The Swishy Swashy Hot Shot

Last time Ahma came to visit she instructed Little Man in The Way.

The Way is the ultimate toture device to be used on his mother.

I am ticklish. Extremely ticklish. All my mom would have to do is wiggle her fingers at me and I would collapse on the floor.

Little Man is now adept in The Way.

My feet are begging for some Chinese Torture as a reprieve.

John doesn't help the situation at all. He strongly encourages it.

And he wonders why I don't do much to stop Little Man from running at him at full speed. Oh yeah, Little Man is the perfect height for some mean payback.

Since he hadn't seen Ahma in a few months it was only fitting she teach him something new. This time it was inadvertent.

He was jumping on her bed, throwing pillows and himself around.

She made the mistake of asking him if he thought he was a hot shot.

So now Little Man loves to jump on beds, couches, whatever surface happens to be handy. He'll hold both his hands up like he batting, yell "HAW SHAWT!" and launch himself.

Over and over and over again.

And if that isn't exciting enough he'll run as far as the house will let him. Turn around. Run back and launch himself at the couch yelling "SWISHY SWASHY! SWISHY SWASHY! SWISHY SWASHY!"

Ah so peaceful in our house...

Vacation

Vacation - a respite, time away from work devoted to leisure and/or pleasure.

I had almost forgotten what a true vacation was but then I boarded a plane and flew back to New England; specifically, New Hampshire and spent 9 glorious days in the White Mountains. Little Man reveled in new discoveries - racing a toy motorcycle around the fire pit, kicking a ball off the hill, watching the butterflies flit among the wildflowers, and long walks.

There is a Glider Port nearby. Its a club but they take folks up on the weekends. Little Man started to sound like Tattoo but instead of "Da Plane! Da Plane!" we got "The air pa-lane! The air pa-lane!" every time the tow plane flew overhead.

18 years ago my acrophobic mom went up in a glider. My first Saturday in the White Mountains and my claustrophobic, control freak ass went up - in the exact same one mom did. The views are awesome at 5K feet and peaceful. Very peaceful. Unfortunately there weren't any hikers on the ridge of Lafayette for us to buzz.

Every time we drove by the Glider Port after my ride he would point to the glider and exclaim: "Mommy you airpah-lane". Thankfully he didn't expect me to try to bring it back to Virginia with us.

We also took Little Man back to the fainting goat farm, Wonder Falls. This time he actually petted the goats. Marla is an absolute genius when it comes to kids. She held up one of the baby goats and asked Little Man to show her his ears then his nose. In no time he was petting the goat. He even fed them which resulted in them following him around and him yelling "NO MO FOOD!" at them.

Bordeaux the llama was a different story. It took a good 10-15 minutes before he would feed her a dandelion which she did not like but he wouldn't touch her. Once he got his courage up; however, Bordeaux had moved on and decided she wanted nothing to do with him and his lousy dandelions.

Then we headed over to Franconia Notch. I love the notch but it is painful to drive through there. The Old Man is no longer and it is still weird not to see him. I can't help but look. Who'da thunk I'd miss a hunk o'rocks that much. The Flume is still beautiful though and Little Man found a new fascination - waterfalls. Getting to this one though proved to be a tad boring for him so I resorted to his other fascination - planes. And so he went...

John and I also took a night to ourselves. We had originally discussed dinner and a movie but that is just too cliche for me. So I came up with a sunset horseback ride. Mind you, I haven't been on a horse in almost 20 years. John hasn't been on one in over 20 years.

John's horse was content to follow mine. Not a good thing would be an understatement. The first time I got comfortable in the saddle, my horse (Carlos) decided it was time for a nice run. Thankfully Buddy was not of the same mindset. Once we moved out of the field and into the woods, Carlos found another way to mess with me - walk on the absolute farthest edge of the trail and put me in the trees. Unfortunately Buddy was good with that. While I spent most of the ride trying to explain to Carlos that no one can out stubborn me, John spent his ride getting beaten by pine branches and cursing up a storm.  Carlos and I finally came to an agreement and John got his payback. Did I mention I hadn't been on a horse in almost 20 years? I did great considering right up until it was time to dismount. I proceeded to do it my normal way 20 years ago. Swing my right leg over and slide down. Except I was in a western saddle. For the first time ever. The stirrup was not exactly where I expected it to be and my damn heel caught it sending me sprawling face first into the dirt. In front of several people. Still not sure my ego has recovered.

But enough about me. It's time for some quotes from Little Man.

John is trying to wake me up and I'm ignoring him so he starts whispering to Little Man. Turns out he's trying to get Little Man to say Go Yankees. THAT woke me up and it took me seconds to turn it into BOO Yankees. Not to be out done, John bided his time and the SOB, I mean love of my life even got it on freaking video - Little Man saying Go Yankees. ARGH! I am so going to make him pay for that!

Then there was dinner the other night. Mom stepped outside to call my sister.

LM: Where's Ahma?

Me: Calling your Aunt.

LM: Calling my aunt?

John: Yes, she's calling your Ant.

LM: No daddy. Not ant. AUNT.

Love my boy.

Oh and you know that saying Its all fun and games until someone gets hurt? Apparently I needed reminding. I was wrestling with Little Man and he managed to accidentally scratch my eye. He missed the iris. I think. At least my vision isn't affected but damn does the socket hurt sometimes. I went into the bathroom to rinse my eye. Little Man followed me. He asked what was wrong and I told him my eye hurt.

"It hurt mommy? Your eye? It broken mommy? You broke your eye?"

Yeah kiddo. I broke my eye.

But the greatest came from my mother.

Ahma to Little Man: Why are you so loud?

Me: Why do fish live in the water?

The Coming of the Sea Horse

Little Man is having trouble differentiating between horses and sea horses. Point to a fish and he'll tell you it is a fish and fish is in the water. Turtles are in the water. I took his lead and showed him a picture of a horse and then a sea horse. I told him sea horses are in the water. He still confuses them.

We've also seen some small steps with the potty training. We've had signs lately that he is starting to hold it, at least during the day. If he complains his stomach hurts, we've waited to long and we run him to the potty.

So what does one have to do with the other?

John put him on the potty the other day after a complaint about his stomach and could say nothing but "Wow, you peed like a race horse".

Guess what became THE phrase in the house.

Jump to today. I plop him on the potty.

"Its coming mommy" he whispered.

Its coming?

"The sea horse. Its coming."

Looking Out

Pleases and Thank Yous are wonderful even when prompting is required.

I sorry without prompting is amazing.

Last night was a mix of wonder, awe, and gut-wrenching laughter.

Little Man was beyond exhausted but refusing to sleep in his bed. Curling up next to me on the floor was preferential. So I compromised. OK, I caved. I offered to let him sleep in our bed since that is where he ends up most nights anyway. I figured why fight the inevitable. He falls asleep there rather quickly and is still easy to move without waking.

So I put him on John's side of the bed. He decided he wanted his own pillow so John's lined the side of the bed. He has rolled out before and its high enough that it can cause equal amounts of pain and fear. I told him if he felt the pillows, to move away. I didn't want him to fall out.

"No bump head mommy". 5 Little Monkeys is the current favorite book. He falls asleep with it snuggled in his arms.

I crawl into my side of the bed, telling him I would stay with him.

"Pi-ylow mommy. Pi-ylow".

Huh?

Pi-ylow. On side. Pi-ylow. So you don't fall out. No bump head mommy".

So I laid in bed with my son until he fell asleep. 2 pillows lining his side. One pillow lining my side. Both safe and sound.

Thanks for looking out kid.