Saturday, May 7, 2011

Plan A, Plan B, and a Bandaid

We spend our days witnessing first hand Out of the Mouths of Babes.
This morning we headed out for the airshow. We took back roads so Little Man could see horses. One road in particular is my favorite - hilly and windy. We approached a blind curve and I had to slam on my brakes to avoid slamming into the back of a landscaping truck as the moronic driver thought stopping the truck just beyond line of sight was a brilliant idea. John and I are both left muttering and stuttering. Our combined reactions cause Little Man some trepidation so I am now trying to calm him and explain why mommy and daddy are so upset.

"Mommy! It is MY turn to talk now" he remarks curtly. "That man make me mad. He almost hurt me. He a pain in my butt!"

We proceed to the air show. They are running school buses as shuttles from the parking lot to the airport. Have I ever mentioned that Little Man does not like loud noise? John and I knew this whole adventure could be short lived. We never expected it to crash and burn before it got off the ground. The school buses proved to be too loud. Little Man wouldn't get on. Pointing out the other children who were riding the bus did no good. His terror had control. So we headed back to the car and moved onto Plan B.

The nursery up the road from us was having their Spring Fling. It included a petting zoo and pony rides. Have I mentioned Little Man is terrified of all animals? Great Plan B eh? We figured he could have a hot dog or two and at least look at the animals. The ice cream truck was at the entrance. First thing he wanted was an ice cream. He doesn't eat ice cream. I convinced him he wanted a hot dog. As we head up we pass the petting zoo. I decide to show him the animals.

That little imp went into the enclosure. He walked right up to the goat and petted her. He walked right up to the chicks and the chickens. He petted both. He walked right up to the ducklings. He damn near chased them down. He even sat down and held a bunny. I practically had to drag him out of there so other kids could have a turn.

We moved onto hot dogs and found a seat with a perfect line of site of the ponies. I dare not get my hopes up. Before we could get him to sit down to eat he announced he was riding a pony. I didn't get my hopes up. He ate. He announced he was riding a pony. We got in line. He wanted to ride the big pony. We waited. Our turn arrived. He announced he wanted the small pony. I put him in the saddle. I never expected him to let go of me. I expected terror. I expected panic. I expected a meltdown. I got a nervous look but I didn't get shear panic. I didn't get tears. I didn't get a child begging to back out. He wasn't ecstatic but he completed the ride.

So while we didn't have much luck in the noise realm today we did have some major success in the animal realm. He even survived his first splinter which led to a band aid which led to...

"Mommy you have to carry me. I have band aid. Mommy I can't walk. I have band aid. Mommy I can't get undressed. I have band aid."

Monday, May 2, 2011

The Three Ps - Pee, Poop, and Potty

Slowly slowly slowly we puff up the potty train mountain. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.

I hope I can. I hope I can. I hope I can.

I wish he would. I wish he would. I wish he would.

My mantra changes almost as quickly as I change his underwear and pants.

I arrive at daycare last night and he's moved to the 3s. We have the lovely chore of driving to the airport to pick up Amah. I am looking forward to my mother coming into town. I am not looking forward to the myriad of things that can go wrong on a trip to and from Dulles with a potty-training child. I present him with his two choices - he can either go to the potty right before we leave or he can put on a pull up. His choice? The pull up.

WHAAAT? I literally almost fell over. I was not expecting that. Turns out they just went to the potty shortly before I arrived so I decide he is good to go. I have a change of clothes in the car and what's the worse that can happen? I'll have to wash the car seat cover.

Of course we run into horrendous traffic and I must take back roads but we arrive as my mom arrives. We circle twice before she is outside. All is well. And then there is the traffic on the way home. Several times Little Man gets a little too quiet and I fight hard to quell the panic building in the pit of my stomach. We arrive home safely and more importantly - dry.

Zero accidents that evening and much success requesting he use the potty but the biggest surprise presented itself this morning. My precious darling son stayed dry all night. I was in shock. I almost cried. With the progress we've had I did not expect to hit the dry nights for at least 6 months. He's napping now. In a pull up but I am oh so hopeful.


I never posted this one. Screwed the pooch on that one. I laugh reading it now. Oh the naivete! So many months later and you can kiss the dry through the night good-bye (shortly after I initially wrote this). He doesn't where a pull-up at nap time because he doesn't nap any more. We walk downstairs most days with at least 5 pairs of underwear. It is a good day if there are 3 pairs left when we go up at bed time. Daycare has few issues. We are still on high alert at home. Pee isn't as much of an issue any more. He's gotten that part down. Sometimes he gets a little caught up with his playing and forgets but we've been pretty good about making sure he hits the bathroom every couple of hours. No, the whole pooping in the potty is our problem. We've discussed, begged, pleaded, cajoled, bribed... all for naught. He flat out refuses to poop in the potty with us.

John created a new rule tonight. Little Man's disdain for sweets was short-lived. He's discovered a love for Reeses which has morphed into a love of all things chocolate (apparently he is my boy after all). Today John asked if he needed to go potty. Little Man said no and promptly proceeded to poop in his underwear. The rule used to be Little Man could have a Reeses (we have Reeses minis in the candy dish pretty much all the time thanks to my addiction) after lunch and after dinner. After today's episode, John amended the rule. No more Reeses unless he poops in the potty. I don't know how I feel about this rule but I'll admit to being at a loss. Nothing seems to work. This rule was made when I wasn't at home so I will support it and we'll see what happens. I don't always agree with everything John does but damn it, the man has a nasty tendency of proving me wrong. I'm hoping he continues his streak.

The Return, Brain Cells, White Hair and a Suprise

I know. I fell off the face of the earth for a few months there. For the first time ever, words failed me. I started to write countless time and each time my brain froze. Usually writing helps me clear my head and put life in perspective. Apparently I was having a little too much perspective.

John was laid off at the end of January and shortly after that, I was under some pressure to move my family to the middle of nowhere, IL. Thankfully the move didn't come to fruition and the stress level in this house has dropped dramatically. Trying to act as if nothing is wrong in front of a preschooler is a lot harder than I thought. I failed miserably.

There are silver linings to everything right? Yes, even I have my sappy moments and look for silver linings. John being home freed me up at the right time to put in some extra hours at work. He also stepped up when it came to housework. I distinctly remember one weekend shortly after he had been laid off. He went to take Little Man outside to play. I decided to take advantage and do some cleaning.

Clean what? he asked.

The bathrooms?

Did that.

Vacuum?

Did that.

The kitchen?

Did that.

So what the hell am I supposed to do?

Come outside and play with us.

So while my hours at worked increased, my time spent at home was not revolving around cleaning and laundry. It has been nice. Very very nice. Not all roses though. Being out of a job has been tough on John. He doesn't know how not to work and it is driving him crazy. I've joked with him. Called him my Stepford husband. He's quite good at it - the house is clean, the shopping and laundry done. Hell, he'll even have dinner ready when I get home. Now if I could just get him to greet me at the door with a beer.... I'll let you fill in the blanks as to what his response to that was.

John has gained patience in dealing with Little Man. Mine has diminished. We've experienced the Terrible 3s and I've gotten creative in my solutions. Potty training has been a success and yet a complete failure. Little Man is getting smarter. I'm losing brain cells and gaining white hair.

And through it all he's kept us laughing. According to his birth certificate, his middle name is McGaughrin. According to him it is THE Gaughrin.

Then tonight, at bedtime he whispers to me: we got slippers but shhh. It's a surprise.

Anyone want to guess what my Mother's Day present is?

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Rockin the ER

My brother recently had his first trip to the ER with one of his kids. It's pretty impressive considering his track record with injuries that his kids waited so long. We were not so lucky. Little Man had his first visit Friday night.

It started innocently enough with an accident at daycare during cleanup. Someone got a little too excited putting blocks away and launched one. Little Man was either directly in the path or walked directly into the path of the lobbed block. It pegged him right below the eye. They called me to give me a heads up but he was fine. Half an hour later they call me back, right as I am walking out the door to pick him up. He wasn't quite himself and was blinking a lot so they pulled him out of class to keep an eye out of him. I was working from home so I was there in 2 minutes. He was crying when I walked in but it seemed more from being yanked from class then from pain. I thought nothing of it and took him home.

Half an hour later and he's still crying. He's also holding his eye, won't open it and won't let me near it. He asked to go to bed. I called the doctor. He tells me to give him some Tylenol and wait an hour. He also gives me the run down on every possible problem from bad to Holy Shit Scary. I choose to ignore the Holy Shit Scary. I don't do Holy Shit Scary well. 10 minutes after the Tylenol he fell asleep in my arms but spent the time wincing or crying in his sleep.

An hour later John gets home from work. I was waiting for him so we could tag-team the munchkin, pry his eye open and make sure we didn't have any Holy Shit Scary going on. Thankfully Little Man decided to open his eye on his own and it looked perfectly normal to me. 10 minutes later he's screaming in pain. Little Man gets tossed in the car and we head to the ER.

INOVA Springfield - ya'll rock! I'm used to the Pediatrician's office where they ask us to hold him down. Not at the ER. A nurse and EMT came in to do the dirty deed. Love them! Ok, so it didn't hurt that the EMT was incredibly cute. Probably all of 20 but age is just a number right? Oh poor John. He's having a small freak out over his son being held down and screaming his heart out and his wife is checking out the EMT. Although Little Man did his best Banshee impression ever more out of fear than pain, they didn't flinch. Hell my ears were ringing. I think they still are. These guys - nothing. The doctor put some drops in his eye and pulled out the black light. The drops glowed neon green. It was incredibly cool.

Yeah, my kid is screaming in fear and I'm shushing him, not to calm him because I feel horrible for him but because I'm trying to get him to stay still long enough for me to see because I think it's kinda cool. Right up until I see the scratch in the middle of his eye. Well that explains the non-stop crying for the last 4 hours. Corneal Abrasion right smack dab in the middle of his eye.

The numbing agent did its job and in no time Little Man is up and about taking Cute Kid to a whole new level. While we wait for the RX and discharge papers, Little Man hams it up. Ah, my son is back. We get him back in the car and he finally conks out. We get him upstairs to our room. The plan is to let him sleep with us so we can pin his arms to the side. Ah yes, the delusion of planning with a child. I still live in a delusional world.

We get his coats, shoes, hat and mittens off and that's it. I put him in a nighttime pull up while at the ER. The thought of grabbing his pjs slipped my mind yet again. One of these days I'll think that far in advance. The tears start again but he never truly wakes. While I rock him, John searches on line for a 24 hour pharmacy near us. We have a RX for Tylenol with codeine. I never thought to ask them for a dose while at the hospital. I should have as we are SOL and will have to wait until the AM to get it.

I finally get him down and he immediately takes up my side of the bed. I leave him with John and head to the couch but I can't sleep. It doesn't take long for the cries to start again so back upstairs I go. I end up rocking him again so I tell John to hit the couch. One of us needs our sleep. I'll stay with him. I end up sleeping in 1/5 - 2 hour intervals. John ends up on the floor next to the bed. Little Man ends up only sleeping until 8 AM.

We dragged today but Little Man rocked it. No more tears except when it comes time to put in the eye drops. Holy Scary Shit has nothing on trying to pry open a screaming 3-year old's eye. He didn't nap today so we put him down early to bed. It is currently 9:48 EST. He just stopped talking/singing a couple of minutes ago. I have no idea how he does it.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

A Conversation is Due

Karma and I are about to have a very long conversation. She needs to learn there are some things that are entirely off limits. I got my first flu shot this year even though I've never had the flu. I did it because I caved to the pressure - you must get it for your son. It is pointless if he gets his shot but you don't get yours. Never mind that's how we did it the last 2 years but I understand I'd be playing the numbers so I caved. It is amazing how easy it can be to guilt me by using my son against me.

I also quit smoking on the 2nd of this month. Turned out to be super easy. I'm trying to eat healthier and am slowly trying to ease into a workout routine. All of this combined should guarantee me a healthy winter and if I am really lucky - the loss of a few pounds as well.

The loss of pounds I have managed to already achieve just not the way I wanted which gets me back to my original statement regarding Ms. Karma and our very long conversation. You do NOT turn on someone who is doing such great things by giving her the freaking FLU!

Yes, you read that correctly. I, the one who got the flu shot this year, got the Flu. I, the one who quit smoking, got the Flu. Sweet Mother what is she doing to me?

My son has his own medicine for me. He runs up to me constantly to give me hugs. He doesn't quite get it though. He still wants me to do everything for him. He proceeded to give me demand after demand - I sit in your lap mommy. You dip my chicken in the ketchup mommy. You feed me mommy.

Do you want me to peel some grapes for you as well while I'm at it?

Yes mommy. Thank you mommy.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Potty Training Revisited

(I forgot to post this yesterday)

I think it is time for humankind to make another evolutionary jump. First you’ve got this whole teething debacle. I know, I just skipped the whole birthing process but since I had a c-section, I can’t properly rant on that one. So I’m starting with teething. Teeth are a good thing. We need them. Pain signals something bad; something wrong. So why the hell does teething hurt? Explain that one to me.

Then we move up to potty training. Again another necessity; another item to put in the Its Good column. Does it come naturally? Hell no. We have to learn it and the entire process can take 6 months. If you are lucky. Yeah, we just had to walk upright and start using those opposable thumbs of ours didn’t we? Think of how easy we would have it right now if we didn’t. Feel the need to go? Lift a leg wherever you are baby!  And we call it Progress. HUH!

Monday I sent Little Man to daycare with 5 extra pairs of underwear and pants. I got them all back pee soaked. He knows when he needs to go, he just refuses to say anything. According to his teacher, she would ask him. He would say no and then he’d walk over to a corner, crouch down and weeee…

Monday night I did laundry and sent the same outfits back. They are sitting in the exact same bag in the exact same spot they were put in Tuesday. He had one accident on Tuesday – he told his teacher after he pooped but in the grand scheme – he had a great day. I was cheering him on so much you would have thought he won the Nobel Peace Prize. Now mind you, we started our morning at 5 AM. By 6 his underwear, jeans, and my rug were soaked so it is obviously ME.

I’ve been loosely following the Potty Boot Camp plan as I know many who were successful with it. Well that has not been completely tossed out the window. As soon as we got home I reminded that child over and over and over to let me know when he needed to go. He let me know all right – by peeing all over my rug.

I picked him up last night from daycare and he had ZERO accidents. Ms. Christina was taking him to the potty every 40-60 minutes. Grocery shopping was a necessity. The pantry and cabinets are starting to echo. I told Little Man we had to go grocery shopping so he had two choices. He could go potty right now before we left or I could put him in a pull up. He immediately chose to go potty and off we went. We made it through the grocery store without incident. We even made it home and put all the groceries away without incident. I did get him to sit on the potty twice last night but involved a bit of bribery.

At bedtime last night, he walked right into his bathroom with no cajoling from either parent and went potty. He also went this morning before we left without bribery. I won’t say without cajoling but at least it didn’t involve bribery.

I will leave you with the highlight of the week which occurred this morning as I was trying to get ready for work:

“Mommy where’s your penis?”

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Tossed the Towel in with the Pull Ups

Potty training SUCKS. The only reason I'm doing it this early is daycare. They won't move Little Man up to then Threes until he can at a minimum verbalize that he needs to use the potty. He's bored to tears in the Twos. He outgrew that room a month or so ago but he is not ready for potty training.

He does not recognize the need to go. He's been in underwear for 4 days now and he still can't recognize the need to go. I am really questioning my decision to move forward with potty training right now but there is no turning back. He loves his underwear. Putting him back in pull ups would devastate the kid.

So now it is about to become daycare's problem. I've packed up 5 pairs of underwear and 5 pairs of pants. I'm not sure that is enough. We've had him in underwear only the last 4 days so the laundry has been minimal. It's about to get worse.

Of course, with my luck, it will finally click at daycare. At least I'm praying it will. I'm hoping they will put him with several kids who've already figured it out - maybe it will rub off on him. Most kids don't potty train until sometime in the 3rd year so why the hell do they make potty training a stipulation for moving into the Threes? It should be a stipulation for the Fours.

But there are worse things to worry about so I will step off my soap box. Besides, it isn't the only reason I'm grumpy. I've got a stye the size of Texas on my upper eye lid. It takes a good 1-2 hours for the majority of the swelling to go down each morning and each morning the swelling is worse. My eye lid had 3 rolls this morning. I didn't think it was possible. Should be fun in the office tomorrow.

I also chose today to quit smoking. Talk about running head first into an abyss. Need a stock tip? Dentyne. I am going to single handedly triple the production levels of their Arctic Ice gum. At least on that count I can claim so far so good. It isn't easy but I have a laundry list of reasons why I need to keep this up. Yoga isn't hurting the situation either. I finally took the plunge and love it. For now, I'm doing it in the comfort of my own home but down the road, the money I used to dump into cigarettes may pay for a class or two instead.

The main reason is, of course, my son. I want to be a part of his life for as long as possible and the one thing I would never wish on him is to watch one of his parents die from something horrible like Cancer or Emphysema.

And speaking of my son, today is his 3rd Birthday. My little imp wouldn't open all his presents on Christmas day but he sure as hell opened all his birthday presents this morning and then had the audacity to ask for more. He also demanded his "happy birthday" (meaning cake) and was OK with the fact that he had to wait until his party next week.

Potty training may be stressful for all involved but he is still an incredibly loving and intelligent little boy. His imagination and problem solving skills are really taking off. He's terrified of dogs. The neighbors have a new puppy, Murphy. He loves the puppy. From a distance. He sees how much fun his friend is having with his puppy but he can't get over his fear. His solution? He now has an imaginary dog name... Murphy. Every action the real Murphy does that causes a panic attack in Little Man is conducted by the imaginary Murphy. It's perfect - it's a controlled environment and I'm able to explain all the actions to him. He (finally) understands that if a dog tries to lick you, it doesn't mean he's trying to eat you.

So my Little Man. Today you made me laugh. You made me bang my head against a wall a few times. You made me feel 100 times better when you offered to kiss my boo boo. You ran up to me many times to give me a random hug. You yelled at me for yelling at your father (He'll say it was undeserved and the result of a nicotine withdrawal. I say I was right and it had nothing to do with the nicotine. Can I stick my tongue out now?). A normal day in the Brown household except we wish you a very happy Birthday.