To Scar a Child

It’s inevitable. Once you become a parent you are going to scar your child. You will do something that your child will never let you forget. For years you will hear this lovely phrase from their (no longer so sweet and cute) mouth: “You scarred me for life!” This sentence will almost always be preceded or followed by: “It’s all your fault!”

“But your son is only 16-months; how could you possible know this?” you ask.

Before I became a parent I was a child (and have moments where I still act like one). Ask my mom how many times I have uttered that phrase to her. Go ahead. Ask her.

Of course, I only remember the times I said it in jest. I am sure she can tell you each and every time my overdramatic teenage self uttered it in all sincerity. Ok I do remember a time well before I hit my teenage years. Mom spanked me. That in its self did not scar me. Knowing me, I probably more than deserved it. No what scarred me was she used my favorite purple hairbrush top spank me and BROKE IT. Granted it was a cheap brush but to me – oh it was worth more than all the tea and porcelain in china. It was priceless.

And she broke it. *sniff* *whimper*

Scarred me for life.

(I can see her rolling her eyes and hear her groaning as she reads this. “Oh not the stupid hairbrush again”)

You just can’t avoid it. It is going to happen. Actually, in the case of Little Man, it has already started.

I married a Republican; a Yankee fan; a Redskins fan. I am a true-blue Boston Liberal Democrat who has been rooting for the Patriots since I was 3 and the Red Sox since I was 5. Then I found out I was pregnant.

So my brilliant husband claimed party affiliation and baseball while I get football. This means our son, according to my very smart, very loving husband, will be raised a Republican who roots for the Yankees and the Patriots.

So when you son or daughter comes up to you in the next 10+ years and asks you to pay for medical school don’t say no. Just make sure the child goes into Psychiatry. Little Man will pay for student loans, your child’s house on Martha’s Vineyard, and your house on the Outer Banks.