Yes, there is definitely some old I'd like to kick to the curb. 2011 wasn't all glitter and gold. It wasn't all fire and brimstone either. Like all years, it had its moments.
We started the year with John being laid off from work. I'd love to say we've ended the year with him starting a new job but like millions of others, that dream is just that... still a dream but we are in much better shape than others and while it has been brutal on him, I will not complain. We haven't hit our saving yet and still have our home. Compared to so many others today, we are doing well.
I did get a new job which brought me within 10 minutes of our home. For this area, such a commute is nothing short of miraculous. This glorious commute opened up a whole new world for us this summer that included family dinners and family time at the pool. I would pick Little Man up by 4:15 and we'd be home by 4:30. We'd have dinner by 5. The half hour prep was actually a great time. All 3 of us squeezed into our tiny kitchen cooking together. Not only did we discover some great recipes this summer, the time spent together in the kitchen was invaluable.
These early hours also meant that we would be in the pool by 6 several nights a week. More family time that I wouldn't give up for anything. In the beginning of the season, we were lucky if we could get Little Man in the kiddie pool. By the end of the season, we had him in the deep end with us. Here's hoping 2012 brings a kid who is willing to learn to float.
With John being out of work, we dropped Little Man down to 3 days a week at school. It meant more time for John to spend with him and I've seen the results. John's level of patience has increased astronomically (still waiting to hear back if this qualifies as an actual miracle or not). I'd love to say Little Man no longer refers to him as The Monster and no longer runs screaming from him but ya know I'd be lying through my teeth.
The downside to all of this is John spends more time with him. John spends more time talking to his teachers. John knows everything that is going on. And doesn't always remember to tell me. I'm blown away when I see Little Man writing out letters and trying to remember how to spell his name only to find out that this is nothing new. He's been doing it for some time now.
This is one role reversal I'm not dealing well with. No, don't get me wrong - I'm thrilled John is doing all of this. I love seeing him play with his son, work with him on his homework, teach him new things but it's hard to move to the role of secondary parent. Up until John was laid off, I was the one doing all of this. I was the one keeping John apprised of the new accomplishments, hurdles overcome and steps gone backwards.
Now I have to come to terms with a new world order. Personally, I think every woman should have to support her family so she knows the stress most men deal with. Personally I think every father should be the primary care giver so they can understand the stress the majority of us moms deal with.
Personally I'm realizing that switching roles is freaking hard. Personally I struggle with feeling incompetent and half a parent. Personally I finally know exactly how John felt when he was working insane hours and I was primary care giver. It is really nice to see that he's damn good at it though. Not that I ever doubted his mad skills. In a weird way, its a relief knowing I don't have to be primary.
2011 also brought the horrible news that a friend of mine has cancer and it has spread. I met her online when I was pregnant with Little Man through an expecting parents group. She was one of a small group of women I become friendly with over a modem. None of us had met in person but the bonds we forged during those 9 months of pregnancy have developed into an amazing friendship. As it turned out, several of the women lived somewhat in the vicinity so I was able to meet three in person. Our darling Pink Ninja was one of the three. Her son was born 2 days after Little Man. Her friendship has meant so much to me. Mainly because she's an absolutely hysterical bitch and I say that with the utmost amount of love and respect.
I've lost friends and family suddenly and unexpectedly. Now to have someone literally fighting for her life is daunting. It scares the shit out of me because there isn't a God damn thing I can do about it and it pisses me off. I've sat by myself and cried over it but only for a short time because what good does that do? I believe attitude is 90% of the fight against cancer and her attitude is strong. She's got a great network of support and no one is going to let her slide into the abyss of feeling sorry for herself. I don't think she has that in her to begin with but facing cancer head on could make Achilles feel like his heel just became as large as a barn.
So yes, there are definitely some things I'm glad to say good-bye to this year but there were funny times as well. The Pats played the Skins this year. Guess what team John roots for? So of course he decided we needed to make a small wager. He got a new Christmas present which he will be wearing for the next 365 days as a result of that wager:
The sweatshirt was wrapped under the tree but the weather will get warm again so in his stocking was the t-shirt.
I wasn't there when he took Little Man to the park. Another father was out with his kids and almost stopped to talk. Almost. Until he saw the shirt.
Shouting out "I lost a bet to my wife" didn't cross his mind. I'm not sure it would have helped.
Tomorrow is a new year. A new start. And the Pats play their final regular season game against the Bills. I have faith Tom, Wes, Ocho, and crew will present an exciting and great New Year. I did invite a Bill's fan to watch the game with me. He accepted. He started to get a bit obnoxious. He asked if he should bring me a box of tissue for when the Bills stomped the Pats.
I asked him what size shirt he wears.
Now I must go read a few books and sing a few songs before tucking Little Man into bed. Then, in a few hours, I will raise a glass (actually a goblet filled with Black Velvet because some Christmas traditions should be carried over to New Year's) and make a wish. I will wish for jobs for those who are without. I will wish for my Pink Ninja to be cancer free. I will wish for my son to keep moving in the same direction to which he will reply - I'm trying to mommy but you're not helping my cause.
And I will wish for my own sanity knowing all to well - he's got that cause right where he wants it.
Happy New Year to everyone and may your wishes soar.
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