I didn’t post this when I first wrote it because I was exhausted and by the time I got home, I couldn’t find the energy to type the last paragraph. I’ve finally come back around to it and my initial reaction is still the same so I’ve decided to hit “Post”.
Written on 12 July 2011:
I just read an interesting article on CCN.com written by one Karen Spears Zacharias (http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/06/27/zacharias.kid.book/?iref=obnetwork). She takes issue with the #1 bestseller Go the F* to Sleep by Adam Mansbach. According to her it demeans children.
In her article she references one Dr. David Arrendondo. He wants us to imagine if this book was written about Jews, Blacks, Muslims, or Latinos and to realize that none of those groups would find it funny. I agree. They wouldn’t. It would be incredible racist but this isn’t written about a minority group and he, along with the others interviewed for this article and the author herself have completely missed the point.
Parenting is tough. There are new challenges around every corner no matter how “seasoned” one is. Tougher still is this feeling that you can’t talk about the bad stuff. Let’s face it, weird stuff goes through your head when you are sleep-deprived. I’m 3 years into this parenting thing and I still have sleep deprived nights. The only thing keeping me at a slighting functioning state right now is the 3 shots of espresso I’ve had since 3 AM. Yes I’ve been up since 3 AM. I am sure by the time I have to put Little Man to bed tonight; my thoughts will enter the Twilight Zone.
How many times has a friend admitted to a horrible thought (rarely) and how relieved have both of you been to find out your not the only one? You don’t want to admit to the things that cross your mind. Until this book came out, I don’t think I told a single soul that I had something very similar going through my head countless nights. I distinctly remember one night in particular. John was out of town for work for two weeks. I didn’t have anyone I could swap off with. I was it and I was exhausted. Little Man woke up in the middle of the night and it quickly turned into one of those nights where he wouldn’t let me put him back down. Every time I tried, he’d scream until I picked him up (I was never good with the CIO method). I sat in the glider while he dozed, too uncomfortable to be able to doze myself. Each time I waited a little longer. Each time I thought he was sound asleep he’d pipe back up. In my head, I held him up to face me and screamed at him to just go to fucking sleep already. In reality, I sat and rocked, and rocked and sat until finally he was in a deep enough sleep he didn’t realize I had put him down – almost in time for my alarm to go off.
Most parents will admit to being so frustrated they wanted to scream but very few will admit what really takes place in their head. Why? They fear judgment. They fear people will think they are horrible parents for thinking. Thinking and acting are two distinct actions and one does not lead to the other.
This book frees us as parents. It frees us to open up and talk about these thoughts. It allows us to realize that we are not alone. That we are human and we’ve done nothing wrong.
So Ms. Zacharias and company I suggest you take a step back and consider the tone in which the book was written. Oh and to Dr. Arredondo: regarding your comment “They irony is that the people buying the book are probably good parents”. Now there is a highly educated, well thought out comment coming from an alleged expert on child development. Jumping to conclusions without facts is a very scientific and great way to instigate intelligent dialogue without hate or malice. You also note that most kids in this country aren’t read to at bedtime and that this is a big problem. You insinuate that this is the cause for the difficulty in getting children to sleep but you provide no supporting documentation. Your statements don’t even qualify as anecdotal. Next time, support your argument and maybe, just maybe, I’ll consider your point with a tad more than a grain of salt.
Do some children grow up in hostile environments? Yes. Do some hear such language every day at home? Yes. Is this book condoning such actions? No. So step back. Take a deep breath. Now laugh because to the majority of the people I know, this is the funniest parenting book ever and every single one of us reads to our children at bedtime and none of us are raising our children in a hostile environment (now there’s some anecdotal evidence for you).
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