The Himalayas

I've marveled at Little Man's growth.

He navigates stairs beautifully but still suffers from Shiny Object Syndrome so the gates are still up.

He drinks from a cup beautifully but still suffers from Shiny Object Syndrome so the sippy cup with a straw is still the primary cup used in this house.

He uses complete sentences.

He says "Bless you" when I sneeze without thinking about it.

I've been so proud of all his progress and am free with the praise.

My baby is now a little boy and as all little boys are prone to do, he managed to stop my heart tonight.

We went for a walk around the Court before bath and bed tonight. We went to cross the street to walk back into the house. I told him to hold Daddy's hand to cross the street and he did with no problem.

Then he dropped Daddy's hand and bolted out into the street just as a car turned the corner. I yelled at him to stop. He didn't freeze.

I shrieked "STOP" more at the car than at Little Man and threw my hand up. The driver stopped. Not sure the kid was ever in danger because John took two steps, grabbed his hand and swung him around onto the sidewalk.

The driver wouldn't move until I waved him on. I'm not sure but I think his heart stopped along with mine.

It took me a good 15 minutes to calm Little Man down. Another 5 to 10 to calm myself.

And now I left wondering where the line is; the line of praising my child so he continues to explore but not so much that his confidence is replaced with cockines. He has lost his fear of the street. He sees the older kids play in the street every night. What he doesn't see is one yelling "CAR" and all of them scrambling for the sidewalk. He just sees them throwing the football and having fun - more fun than he's having on the sidewalk.

His lack of fear directly correlates to my growing fear.

My friend once asked my mom years ago if having a child meant spending the rest of your life feeling like your heart is on the outside. Right now I feel like it is more like being forced to walk the ridge line of the Himalyas and my confidence is a bit rattled, never mind my intense fear of falling and I don't have a parachute.