You’ve heard it before. Kids are sponges. They repeat everything you say. If you want to know what you sound like, listen to your child. I know this. My child proves the validity of these statements almost daily. It still doesn’t stop me from being caught off guard every now and then by the little imp.
We met friends for dinner one night. It was a last minute plan literally thrown together a few minutes before I left the office. A friend (and coworker) IM’d me shortly before I logged off for the day asking if we could meet for sushi. Thanks to modern technology such last minutes plans were easy to make. He and I got our respective spouses on the phone while we IM’d and made arrangements. A smooth and easy decision that took minutes but it did have one downside: our schedules were slightly conflicted so in order to pull this off, it meant having Little Man up passed his bedtime. We decide to risk it.
Once at home I offer Little Man his choice of snacks to keep his hunger at bay. A hungry picky eater can make a demon look nice and is a guaranteed quick way to be asked to leave a restaurant and never return. The planned restaurant happens to be the favorite sushi restaurant of all who planned on attending. When you are a sushi addict like me and you find a place as good as this, you make damn sure you are never, ever do anything to cause yourself to be asked to leave and never return. Hungry Demon Child is a sure fire way to have that happen. So while he’s snacking away I impart the importance of proper behavior and exactly what I consider proper behavior to be.
Too bad he didn’t have that conversation with his dad and me.
We were the first to arrive so we grabbed a table and waited for our friends. Our waitress brought out some edamame and 3 fried dumplings. Little Man refuses to try the dumplings. Even though I think he would like them I don’t argue. More for me. Eh, except this time it was John’s turn to get the extra dumpling. Yes, I can be nice on the rare occasion. Doesn’t mean I’m going to make it easy for him. So as the man makes a move to grab what is rightfully his, I try to beat him to the punch. A fake fight over dumpling ensues as our chopsticks battle to the death.
Enter Little Man Samurai.
“YOU KIDS STOP FIGHTING RIGHT NOW! IF YOU NOT STOP I TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU! YOU STOP IT! NO FIGHTING! THAT’S IT. I’M TAKING IT AWAY FROM YOU.”
And he proceeds to pick up the dish and place it next to him, far away from either of us.
The entire restaurant went silent as Little Man screamed at the top of his lungs.
Silent except for the sound of his parents laughing and choking out the words “Indoor voice kid. Indoor voice.”
“I don’t care. You kids is fighting. There is no fighting at the table. Now you don’t get it. I take it away from you. I told you. I told you to behave prop’ly. I told you daddy. I told you mommy.”
“Who’s the parent and who’s the child?”
“I the... parent... child... You apologize!”
It’s hard to appear apologetic when you are half under the table choking on your own tears.
My friend’s wife met Little Man for the first time that evening. She thinks he is adorable. They arrive after his show of parental force.
The best part about it? He’s a mama’s boy. So after he got each of us to apologize and promise not to fight again he decided mommy would get the dumpling.
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