Penis Boy

You are supposed to be refreshed after vacation. I am still exhausted all the time and going to bed early every night - a side effect of having a young child in the house, especially one you haven't taught how to tell time and his cue to come into your room is when the sun comes up. To think I was so proud of myself when I came up with that one. Brilliant lady.

Having a 3 year-old with an exploding vocabulary and a developing story-telling ability means I spend a lot of times with a weird (at least from his perspective I am guessing) grin on my face as I attempt to take him very seriously and not bust a gut in front of him. I've been accused of laughing at him and have yet to be successful explaining the concept of laughing with him since he isn't actually laughing.

A few examples:

"Mommy can you open these?"

What do you say?

"Please?"

Please beautiful mother

"Stop That!"
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"And who was the guy who talked about the seals?"

The lady who told us about the seals?

"Yes. What's her name?"

I don't remember.

"Her name is the seal guy-lady."
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 While reading How the Grinch Stole Christmas:

His Heart was too small baby. Is your heart small?

"No"

Do you have a big heart?

"No I have numbers" pointing to the letters on his shirt.
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And then there are the strange things he likes to take to bed with him. Most children want a favorite blanket or stuffed animal. Last night my son chose his spaceship clock because a hard plastic object is great for snuggling.
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Mommy why do pterodactyls have wings to fly? Why do dinosaurs have feet to walk? Why do fish swim?
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Have you seen Kindergarten Cop? If you have you know what transpired.

"I can do it. I'm a big boy. And you have a penis mommy. You can do it".

Mommy doesn't have a penis. Mommy is a girl. Boys have penis and girls have vaginas. Oh crap. Did I really just say that.

"No mommy you have a penis. I've seen it. It is right there"

Yes, he started to reach. Do you know how difficult it is to jump back when seated cross-legged on the floor while choking on laughter?

No honey, mommy has a vagina.

"No you have a penis. I see it! You have pee up there!"

I had to go into ninja mode that night. Any time he thought I was headed to the bathroom he tried to follow so he could show me where my penis was.

"Your penis is hiding mommy"

"Mommy (giggle giggle) you are Penis Boy!"