It is no secret that I was secretly relieved to find out I had a boy and not a girl. I was terrified of having a Mini Me. Not once in my sleep-deprived, pregnancy-hormone-addled brain did it ever occur to me that I could have a male Mini Me. My father would be rolling in glee if we had actually buried him rather than cremate him. My mom denies laughing at my misery but I know she's cackling and doing all sorts of dances when I'm not looking. My sister, never one to shy away from bluntness, will occasionally attempt to hide her (deserved) smugness. My brother, well I think he's keeping his mouth shut to some degree because Karma is going to kick him in the ass even harder than she's coming at me. Of his 4 kids, only one is a boy. (That evil cackle you hear would be me as I rub my hands together and plan, via my nieces, all sorts of payback).
My poor Father would actually attempt to nap while I was awake. This was not to be. I would jump on the poor man's chest shouting loud enough to wake the dead: "You 'wake daddy? Daddy, you 'wake?" as I peeled back his eyelids. He could get me to stop (temporarily) by rolling his eyes into the back of his head which would result in even louder shrieks of horror.
And then I'd start all over again until he realized there is no arguing with a redhead and he was getting up.
His payback? Mini Me. "Look Mommy, the sun's up. Time to wake up Mommy! Mommy, you 'wake? 'Wake up Mommy" Peel, peel, peel. Damn it, why can't I roll my eyes back?
Then there is the lecture about staying within our sight - as in the family is out for a walk in the path through the woods behind our house. Little Man starts to run ahead and we tell him not too far, to stay where we can see him. Later that evening, John and I are having a discussion in our room. Little Man in playing on the floor. John and I walk into another room so I can show him something - all related to our discussion.
In comes Little Man and whew is he in a huff:
"You no walk away from me! I was playing and you walked away. I no see you. You not in my eyes. You come back right now!"
I wanted to tell him to watch his tone with me but that would have set off a whole other lecture that I wasn't quite prepared to deal with as my sides were already hurting from the previous lecture.
He has a bit of a temper.
Mini Me.
So I've been working with him when he gets upset: Deep breath. Inhale slowly. Hold. Now exhale. Again.
Fast forward a few days and John is fighting to maintain control over something relatively minor like, oh a stubbed toe or spilled milk. In walks Little Man:
"Deep Breaths Daddy. Inhale. Now eshale. That's it Daddy. Good job!"
And here I thought, all this time he was tuning me out.
Today I found myself a bit overwhelmed having a 3-year-old in my face, literally, all day long. For some reason my personal space was the size of the football field today but he didn't care. He couldn't survive without having at least half of his body wrapped around one of my arms or legs at the bare minimum. It was torture. I needed a break. He wouldn't give me one. I was going to snap yet he was doing nothing wrong. I needed a time out. I walked into the bathroom and closed the door. I calmed. I took several deep breaths. I refocused. I walked out.
Into a firestorm.
"You no walk away from me like that! You no, no, no..... You no do that! You no go in there! I tell you not to do that! I no tell you you can, can, can.... You stop that!"
I put my hands on my hips and stand right over him. I, all 5'8" of me is now towering over him and glaring enough to send the bravest running. He, all 40 inches of him, puts his hands on his hips, steps right up so we are now toe-to-toe, and glares up at me enough to send the bravest running.
You do not talk to your mother that way
"You no talk to me....."
Neither of us can maintain the glares any longer and we both end up on the floor giggling.
And that's just his temper. His reasoning skills? His sense of logic? Stories for another time. Right now I'm going to bury my misery in a bowl of peanut butter swirl ice cream and dream that for at least a little while, I am in control.
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